2010, a partial overview (Q2)

On hindsight, Q2 is a mixed bag of loss of artistic belief and growing career disorientation in the presence of perhaps the best relationship I'll even have. I like things with rich texture, multi-layered color, sound or structure. Such tendency compliciates the way I see things. Based on the notion that things are usually too complicated to be understood in a thorough manner, I become an agnostic. Life in essence is not that complicated if I fully accept that I am merely an insignificant part of a infinitely large world. What I do does not matter to but a handful of people around me. At this point, "making a difference" in the world is simply too far-fetched.

Perhaps I have reached a point where I started to realize the continuous reflection is not making any meaningful impact on my behaviour model. The only value is perhaps of archival nature, a flowing and growing documentary of my life.

Memories are purely subjective. The shape and color all depend on the emotional status I am in when they are recalled. I can either see it the positive lens or the negative lens. One filters the dark memories and the other does otherwise. If I don't write down the "history" as it happens, multiple recalls will soon cover it with muddled judgments till the true color is buried beyond salvage.

Responsibility is a very annoying variable. It crashes into a perfect world I build based on self-realiaztion, hobbit, and nihilism. I tried to reconcile both sides but efforts are either directed at the wrong subject or not strong enough.

Begins 2Q10 a relationship I think will last.

2010, a partial overview (pre-Q2)

Before I begin my review of the Q2, I must amend the Q1 review with two interviews. Interviews are such fleeting moments in your life, but they can be rich source for reflections. I had two series of interviews, one with a local i-bank, the other with a local money manager. I broke into final rounds, failed the i-bank's, succeeded with the money manager. The second series of interviews with the money manager is worth noting, as it took 5 months in total for them to reach a decision. The irony of that is: after 5 months' intermittent evaluation of my hard skills and personality, they didn't fully trust me since the beginning. How could I tell? They regard my questions as attempts to challenge their authority (I can't say I didn't want to impress them with more difficult questions, but interpreting them as challenges is just one step too far). With my very limited corporate exposure, I must admit that I don't have the soft skills to perform in an environment where one's actions is met with constant scepticism and second-guessing, where one becomes uncomfortable asking questions, where others' second guessing induce one's self-doubt.

2010, a partial overview (Q1)

Since I signed up a daily email dairy service, the usual weekly rant or retrospect was conveniently replaced by the one or two sentences everyday. You clicked "reply" the boom, a piece of your past life was sent out to somewhere far away in the cloud.

This year represents an inflection point, a year that will leave me transformed, at least social identity-wise. I've wasted a lot of time over the past 9+ months, and at the same time I accomplished a number of things which my peers in Denver normally won't be able to. But my true peers are not in Denver, they are in Beijing, Shanghai, Hong Kong, and New York, the "tops" of this world.

In January, I now vaguely remember the distant stress from the equity research competition. The research report that we were writing was in distress, so was the presentation for Feburary. I was frustrated by teammates performance, or the lack of it. I kept procrastinating, justifying the generous use of time in meanless on-line activities by my larger contribution to the team. I was grumpy, but luckily, not confrontation to the point of affecting the still positive team dynamics.

In Feburary, we, the University of Denver team won the Colorado Championship for CFA Research Challenge. Our presentation was stiff, boring, and uninspired. But our research report was more rigorous, and the attention to detail in the format of the report was remarkable - despite of a number of mistakes after so many reviews. Equity research is strange work. It at times, very often actually, is very stimulating because of the new wave of information pouring into you. At other times, however, the endless search for industry knowledge, the no-one-will-believe assumptions in the financial model, and unavoidable inclination to fall in love with what you've been researching all make the work look like a wildest guess on something you know absolutely nothing about.

In March, I flew to NYC and met Z. The competition was a failure due to my lack of aggressiveness and maybe desire to win a seemingly formidable competition. I had a loser's attitude joining because my faith in my teammates was reduced to minimum after 4 months of constant struggle, depression, and difficult work. But apart from the misery at the competition, NYC was wonderful. Afternoon team and MoMA tour with Z (she became my girlfriend after 3 months) was delightful. She is open, surprisingly honest about her feelings. The tough of a teenage girl, the incredible toughness that's hidden most times, and the innocence were just too tempting to not inspiring more study on her. So I did, the one message after trip evolves into a relationship, and maybe more.

Before I muster the courage to write down the rest of the year, I must speak about my frustration and lack of motivation to fully quell that frustration. I am walking towards a goal that may not be mine. The path before me is clear, but might as well be the very wrong one for my true capabilities and personalities. The woman-like side of me frequently surface, and surpress initiative and bold actions. I tend to think too much about the consequence, letting the regret of not doing anything sweep through me time and again...

West Coast Plan V1.0

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Notes

Honeymoon: Greece
Travel: Kyoto, Osaka, New Zealand, Turkey, Siberia, Prague, Schloss Neuschwanstein, Tibet, Uygur, Spain, Germany, Switzerland
Food: Japanese food, cake, coffee (with lots of frothy milk), dimsum, berries (and fruits too), fish
Color: light green, blue, dark colors in winter.

photo taken for the past 60 days

 

Ingredients for success

take-away from a guest speaker in class, who has been the CFO for multiple, highly successful public companies.

Hard skills required:
- public speaking
- clear writing in short time
- managing people
- accounting (optional)

Soft skills required:
- the courage and discipline to not compromise on ethical issues, especially when each decision results only in insignificant outcome, but they will amounts to disasters, finally.
- the emotional toughness to deal with high pressure because "major fumble usually happens on the emotional side. have the guts to mess up completely, for a couple times.
- having no ego "what's the point of coming into this world thinking you're better than anyone else?" have ambition, but don't be ambitious. being openly ambitious attracts many enemies
- patience: life/career has its first half and second half. you will disregard pay and learn as much as possible in the first half and set for the big rewards. remember investments return only in the long term
- commitment to success

Biggest danger for one's life:
- choosing not to be successful. (even though most people don't choose to fail)

Methodology
- doing the job you want before you actually get the job. "get promoted to a job I already had"
- consistently put in 10-20% more effort than average people, no more needed.
- never hide mistakes
- be the "garbage man", doing things no one else want to do - the most difficult, tedious, and risky things

Self test
- if you don't like what you are doing, you are in the wrong career
- if you are not willing to commit, then you are in the wrong career

A day to be marked

After 5 months and meetings with over 12 people, I might have received my first offer. Will start as an intern though.

deconstruction and fear as a friend

Investment Consulting

Had a talk with a managing director at a local investment consulting firm.

Here are the nuggets:
1. the industry has relatively low barriers to entry
2. people working in this industry is not as sharp as those in investment management due to the lower pays
3. broad knowledge required, as opposed to expertise in certain industry which is commonly required of an equity research analyst
4. CFA is an extremely important credential

Counterintuition

Illusion of Superiority, Future, Control.

Ideas at work

I talked to two very successful people yesterday, each provided a unique perspective on my job and life. Here are some fast food for thoughts:

1. interesting people are those who ask: "why can't I do this the other way?" Those who go ahead and go it the other way without asking for consent are even more interesting.

2. have dreams keep you alive. The moment you stop dreaming you are as good as dead.

3. think of the growth when choosing your first job. That's the most important decision you will made in your life.

4. trilingual is the new bilingual.

5. common sense is the best tool for everything.

6. pay yourself before you pay anything else.

7. enjoy life is possible, life has no dress rehearsal.

8. talk to people, talk to people, talk to people.

9. get out there, take risks, and make a couple of stupid mistakes.

Learning from basketball

I've been playing basketball for almost 15 years since I was a fourth grader. I am good defense player, average shooter and power forward, below-par rebounder, and bad defense guard. In sum, I am about 50-60% among all who play basketball more frequent than 3 times a month. I joined a 3V3 tournament yesterday among all Chinese students, had 3 games and lost two of them, one which was lost to the champion team composed of undergrads.

I wasn't really grumpy about losing to the undergrad though I couldn't help pondering on the games and basketball long after the game ended. As I was reading the handouts for Strategic Finance, it suddenly dawned on me that the way I've been playing basketball and the game itself can reveal a fair amount truth about myself, the business world, and life, in more general sense.

So here are the take-aways from 15-year basketball playing together with 500 ankle injuries:

1. Strategy: this is really similar to the ancient Chinese story "Tianji's Horse Race Story." The moral of the story is, it is not the speed of the horses you have that determinate the outcome of the game (assuming you rival have similar quality horses and jockeys) but the arrangement of the horses (i.e. the sequence of participation of your race horse). Yesterday when our team was playing against the champion team, we posted our best defender against their best offender and so on, which ended up in our defeat. This is because when their best offender broke our first line of defense, there was no way to stop him due to heights, strength, or speed. The "perfect match" in fact created a disadvantage for our team and an advantage for their team (as our best defender wasn't as good as their best offender). The right strategy was to create a "mismatch" - posting second best defender to their best offender. Such strategy is superior in two ways: having a second, also better line of defense, and creating another mismatch as our best defender happens to be our best offender - meaning now is it their second best defender is guarding our best offender. This might seem like giving an equal advantage to the rival but in reality there is no perfect "match" in the first place. Therefore the mismatch will be the better strategy.

2. Visualization: as my experience accumulate, I find extremely helpful to visualize the games, the person defends you, and the person you defend. It's all part of the expectation management process - practicing the procedures and anticipating the unexpected.

3. Me being a good defense player: I am simply better at REACTING than ACTING. In defense, all I need to do is react to the offense player, move left is he charges left, jump to block him if he is shooting. This is why I am such a mediocre offense player - I don't really have a clear idea about what to do, what works and what doesn't. I was afraid to make ACTIVE mistakes.

4. Process perfection: how accurate you shoot is not based on how many ball you have shot, but on how closely you can replicate a "perfect shot". That includes cooperation of your hands, arms, core body, and legs. It's easy to make a jump shot, but extremely difficult to make the "same" shot every time you have the chance to shoot. Another example is defense: your left hand disturbing the ball, your right hand over your rival's face, legs open at a restricted angle, always to tip toe for fast response, remembering to hit the ball when the rival has gain speed and starts to drive...The perfection of process is the only way to repeated successes.

walking the child

words of wisdom

patience is a virtue. everything comes to he who puts forth maximum effort. the quality of one's life is in direct proprotion to his commitment to excellence!!

value(s)

You, the favored one

Sometimes I feel I am unduly favored by some supernatural forces. I don't really deserve so much luck and kindness.

My boss at the company I've been working part-time for about a year initiated a company-wide plan to help me with my aspiring career goals. The recommendation letter he wrote is probably the highest acclamation possible for an employee, which put me to shame considering my limited contribution to the company. Such a company is to die for, with its highly capable and intelligent employees and culture. Life has given me so much that I have no reason whatsoever not working hard and make every minute worth it.

Also I entered the final round of interview at another opportunity I've been pursuing for 4 months now. Before the last round I was thinking my passage to that round was good enough for myself. But now since I am at the final stage, I suddenly become confident enough to say that I will get the job. The 360-degree change of heart during the process is subtle yet not without good reasons. I did hold myself back to much, forgetting I am who I think I am. Plus I am capable to fulfilling the responsibilities at the position, if not over-qualify by some margin.

Thinking that merely days ago I felt I was falling down some bottomless abyss again proves that perception matters more than reality. Reality hardly changes, I am who I am, I know what I always know. It is the way I see things that have changed. For a person like me to be happy, I will have to achieve the unthinkable again and again to prove myself wrong, or generally make myself happier.

Learning by Doing

一直在找工作，但一直没有和熟人做模拟面试，特别奢侈地通过一次次实战面试来积累经验，感觉模拟面试对面坐着一个熟悉的人的时候，自己做没有办法紧张起来，紧张不起来思维就不活跃，思维不活跃就没办法满嘴跑火车忽悠。


刚才又面了一家，具体情况后面交代。


理想中的面试，对方应该相对比较活泼，有微笑和及时的反馈，因为我总是在面目表情声音低沉的面试官前发挥失常，看到那些便秘病人的面孔，我满嘴跑的火车就立马脱轨...


下午面的是家基金，服务对象是高净值客户和机构投资者，一直不知道怎么正确命名这样的基金，看收费结构，融资条款和组织结构，可以算对冲基金，但投资产品又不太像，只能统称为投资基金。公司不大，核心投资团队只有13人，13个人的基金管理十亿美元的资产，过得想来应该是神仙一样的日子（假设2/20收费结构的话）。反观现在实习的公司，拼老命筹到一亿美元，要养活8个人，天差地别啊；再反观前些日子面试的一公募基金，八十亿的规模，没有2/20那么优厚的收费结构，但似乎人数不到13×8=104人，好像日子更好过...


所以说，做金融的关键还是要能忽悠，能骗到钱，骗到钱以后，坐收管理费就行了，可惜的是，太多基金经理投资能力很强，可惜忽悠能力不行，直接导致自己单干的时候做不大。这样的不太会忽悠的基金经理，就特别需要从大牌公司起步，累计客户，这样出来以后，又可以带出以前的团队，客户也有保证。


---面试感想到此结束---


话说最近打领带速度有很大提高

Straylight

new stimulus plan

必须强制性提振自己的精神状态，回复睡前的俯卧撑和仰卧起坐，今天从各80起，接下来七天每天加10个，适应以后每天加20个。
身体还在冬眠...

Simplicity

Baby Bak Choy Stir Fry - my father has told me long ago that it is usually such basic stir-fry vegetables that are hard to get it right. He is right. It took me years to get it remotely right - learning to use the right amount of vegetable oil, salt, and most important of all, timing. The greens are so sensitive to heat that even the slightest delay in the pan could rob them of the freshness and sweetness. I pay a lot of attention to the change of color, texture and smell when I stir fry them. I turn off the stove the moment I saw leaves turning soft, then I add the salt and give them a give stir with the remaining heat on the pan. Then comes the plating - everything happens within one and half minutes. And to fully savor the juiciness and unique taste of the different green vegetables, you need to eat it as soon as it is done, otherwise the water inside the leave won't hold.

Scrambled Eggs with Tomato - this is one of the first dish every Chinese learns. It is simple, yet can be deeply satisfying. The acidity and fruitiness in the tomato bring out the flavor in the egg. The residue juicy in the dish goes so well with rice that sometimes I will intentionally add more water into this dish. There are different ways to do it depending on which part of China one is from. People in the North tend to add sugar into it, which I find disgusting. Also the timing when eggs are cooked differs - some parts of China will scramble the egg first and then add in the tomato, while other parts put them in the pan at the same time. The final garnish of a bit green onion in my version will kill the vague gamy smell in the egg. As one last tip: always, always use free ranch eggs.

Lemon Grass Sliced Pork Chop

I can hardly stop myself from reaching out my hand every time I passed sauces and condiments aisle in Asian market. Those little bottles lining up on the shelves have unspeakable attractiveness in them. Their seem like secret short cuts to culinary greatness. And the colorful packages simply create a persuasive illusion that your dishes, with these sauces, can be as tempting and glossy as they look.

Of course the above is one of the many afterthoughts I had after I fall victim of their marketing trick every time I pass by. This week, I bought a bottle of Lemongrass (Cymbopogon) Sauce (香茅酱).

The flavor of lemongrass is ten times better than it actually looks (see pic above). Its harmless, boring look never draws my attention in Asian markets. If it were not for my sudden whim, I would miss another great cook idea.

My first attempt at the lemongrass sauce is the pork chop. I sliced thin a 8-ounce pork chop then massage the slices with one teaspoon of the sauce - the sauce has an overwhelming sweet taste with a citrus kick in it. Something in the sauce reminds of Cha siu sauce. So barbecue pork ribs with lemongrass naturally becomes my planned experiment next week. After I marinaded the pork with the sauce for 20-min, I put in some corn starch and massage the meat again so that they will be extra tender when I stir fry them. As a side I also quickly stir fried (about 2 min) some asparagus seasoned with black pepper, salt, and crushed sesame. The sugar in the sauce gave the sliced pork chop a nice caramel cover under high heat - almost making it crispy on the outside. Since I used a very light coat of corn starch the crispiness is overwhelmed by the tenderness of the meat, which was a happy surprise. All in all, not a bad first attempt.

great expectation

It takes me about 23 years to truly know my dad.

I didn't find him particularly great or bad - he had been average - smokes a little, doesn't drink, plays poker but never gambles with excessive amount. He has an average job which gives him a salary not too high but far from low. For a man of his age he desires much more wealth and power than he actually has. I used to feel sorry for him, for his failure in achieving great wealth or secular success. I pitied him but not anymore, for I found him a extremely sophisticated and powerful man.

He has unfathomable tolerance for things he cherish, while being short-tempered at the mundane dealings of everyday life. He has a refined taste for food, service, or anything he pays to get and yet he is willing to sacrifice all those personal indulgence for people he loves. He lives for others - as the eldest son, and as the father of the eldest grandson. He is a romanticist and idealist at heart which has caused his stagnated progression in his career - not willing to be a brown noser. He thinks very highly of himself to the point of being proud.

As a kid, I saw him as cruel and cold, but such lack superficial affection can only be translated into immense tolerance for my mischievousness. He mellowed significantly over the years - learning to express his love, which he always has, into words and praise. I think to some degree he enjoys the bitterness of bearing all the pain and showing only the sunny side of him to the outside. And that, is unfortunately passed onto me.

"Don't look too highly on the outcome. You are successful as long as you has experienced everything", that was his reply as I reported to him my progression in rounds of interview for a job. Patience is perhaps another thing he taught me without my awareness. He was indigenous in his frequent lectures no matter how hostile my responses are. However, looking back these days, his suggestions have been regrettably accurate, if not dead-on a hundred per cent of the time.

When I went home he took me on a road trip to a nearby resort. On the way he told me that he was once driving at 240km/h on a newly built highway. He said that with a slyness I've rarely seen. I think, at that time, he was simply very, very happy.

Why is Que possibly the best e-reader this year

Very recently I saw a couple demo of the electronic reader from Plastic Logic - Que. I also spend some time playing with it. My first encounter with the device was less than satisfactory - the screen is very slow and the WinCE system is not without bugs. However, two weeks later when I get to use it again - on a updated, debugged version (though still not wifi- or 3G-enabled), I am happily surprised by its many improvements. The screen became more responsive. The E-Ink screen will cause the whole screen to refresh whenever changes are made therefore causing the slower response time. Plastic Logic seems to tweak the screen so that changes are made in zones, meaning only a portion of the screen is refreshed when display changes. But still, the device serves best as a reader as opposed to an authoring device - both the accuracy and speed of e-ink screen are insufficient for typing and free-style marking/annotations.

The two biggest advantages of the Que lies in its size and sturdiness. The 8.5 by 11 inches conform to most work place documents as well as magazines and newspapers. With the help from third party digital publication provider and publishers, the Que can provide the same paper-based reading experience for magazines and newspapers readers. No funny layout, everything headline and article is in the same place as you will expect for an actual periodical. Since the screen is plastic, there's no need to worry about accidentally dropping the device on the floor - chances are good that the screen will remain intact before the case/frame breaks. Such superior sturdiness is not possible with other glass-screened readers - making one speculate the potential application of the Que in military.

The Que is all about business. The 4g Wi-Fi model at $649 and 8g 3G model at $799 may sound like a ridiculous premium to the $259 of Kindle2 and Nook. But again, the Que is much more than a consumer electronic. In other words, Kindle2 and Nook are not its competition, let alone iPad. None of the three devices above can offer the nice combination of light weight, large display, ink screen, and sturdiness. The Que provides a cost-saving solution for industries where updated documentation across different people/functions/departments are necessary. Think about pharmaceuticals, airplane manufacturers, and any corporations that need content distributed to its employees on a real time bases. The wireless connectivity in the Que will make all that possible.

A very short encounter with Nook

Last Wednesday Barnes and Nobles started to deploy Nook, their electronic reader, to their brick and mortar stores. So I went into the store at 2200 Colorado Blvd today for a taste of the biggest competitor of Kindle2.

I have never used Kindle2. The only other ereader I used is Que - the ultra thin, business oriented ereader from Plastic Logic. So in this very short review, some of the opinions are drawn from comparison between Nook and Que.

Form factor: Nook weighs at about 11 ounce and has a 6" screen. It looks smaller than I expected - with the second to largest font display, it takes about 4 virtual page flips to flip over one actual paper page length of content. It's about as thick as an ELLE magazine. I like the thickness comparing to Que because it feels more like a book.

Screen: I do not know the technical difference behind a touch screen+E-Ink display and an E-Ink only screen. But the latter, though still much slower than a LCD, feels slightly more responsive, i.e. faster than the former. My guess the extra layer of touch screen has dragged the E-Ink display's response time. One thing I was disappointed with the Que is its slow response on its touch screen - this makes notes taking or even simply navigating between different functions a pain. But if you treat the Que only as a reader, that's no big deal. Nook, on the other hand, has an upper hand because the LCD touch screen is so much faster and accurate, although not as good as some of the touch screen phones.

E-Ink Display: sharp, clean. I will not hesitate to migrate from paper books to ereaders regarding for they are equally pleasant to the eyes. At this level, LCD screen is no competition with E-Ink, meaning Apple's iPad can hardly replace Nook as the e-reader of choice.

Extra Function: Nook is solely a reader. Therefore its wireless is only useful in purchasing newspapers, magazines, and books from on-line. It has an embedded mp3 player which allows you to listen to the music while reading.

Format support: epub and pdf is fully supported. Nook can check out books from the US public library system but to do that a user needs to: 1. have a local public library membership; 2. bring Nook to the library and connect the reader to computers at the library.

Sharing: One Barnes and Nobles account can link up to 4 Nooks - making it convenient for families. Also, users can borrow books from each other to up to 14 days.

Price: at $259, the same price as Kindle2, Nook users are able to enjoy lower book prices due to Amazon's failure to fix its e-book prices. However, it is unclear whether B&N will be able to secure the low prices in the future.

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